Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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