I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
