I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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