why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
