he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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