Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
