Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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