i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
