You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
