His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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