wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
