I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
