if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
