went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
