I think my fart just growled at me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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