I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
