bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
