Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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