The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we're making bets on your personal life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
