All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
