My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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