the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
