Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
