Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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