Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
