I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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