This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you made out with another girl for some wings
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
