don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
