Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
