It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
