I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
