ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
