Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
