i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We got so high we made milksteak
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
