just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need a beard to bite.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
