I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
