I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
