Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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