this boner is exhausting
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
