And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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