That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize