so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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