You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
