gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
