Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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