sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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