shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
