I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
