do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize