So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
