Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
