tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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