It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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