Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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