I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
