Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
