I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
