They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
