Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
