Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Two words: nipple clamps
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