Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
