I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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