I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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