Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
