i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
