I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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