my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
