I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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