allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
