lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
