I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
