i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize