I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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